


A Devil Like Me

by Yakarmi



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst written at 2am, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kissing, M/M, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 10:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30003291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yakarmi/pseuds/Yakarmi
Summary: Reiner's haunted by the Eren of his past. What happens when they meet again in the dark basement, Eren's mind made up and Reiner yearning?(The basement scene but gayer)
Relationships: Reiner Braun/Eren Yeager
Comments: 6
Kudos: 80





	A Devil Like Me

**Author's Note:**

> This is a completely self-indulgent fic that I thought up and wrote late at night when I should have been sleeping. I wrote this to keep my mind thinking in this ship.
> 
> There will be mentions of blood.

Sometimes, even years since leaving the island, Reiner would see Eren. Alone at night, blood soaked fingers never truly clean, he would lose himself to the darkness of his room and envision the bright-eyed boy staring up at him. Admiration, trust. His hand would warm and tingle with the long-lost memory of holding his hand, his arm remembering just how little force it took to pull him up when he fell.

And then, as his eyes closed shut and sleep dragged him under, the very same admiration and trust that shone in his eyes would morph into hatred and betrayal. Just in time to plague his dreams with nightmares of the impassioned boy whose life he had ruined. Eren’s scream,  _ traitor _ , would echo through his brain, rattle his skull. His body would strain as it was forced to remember the force it took to hold Eren down when he tried to stand.

The thrashing of Eren’s cut-off, nubby arms from back in the tree continued to batter him from an ocean away.

Reiner liked to think he never lied to Eren. Some part of him, a small integral part, shattered as it fortified in Bertholdt and Annie. It sent shards flying, digging into his heart, his brain, puncturing all the right parts to change him. To make him believe he could morph into an entirely different person.

So he did. He became strong, he became a leader, he became sturdy. A wall, nearly as strong as the one he broke, divided him into two parts. He believed in the person he had become and was whole-heartedly convinced of the Survey Corps’ goals. He had fooled himself, lied to himself, and a person spreading falsehoods they believed to be true wasn’t a liar. 

Even as he murdered his comrades, Reiner never lied to Eren. Only himself.

It didn’t make him feel any better.

In fact, it made everything worse, because the person he was around Eren was a truth that he yearned to regain and become again. It allowed the memories, fond images of training and blood-curdling screams of betrayal, to morph into obsessive thoughts. They ate at him. Tormented him to the point that every green-eyed, brown haired boy with a loud voice, armband or no, became Eren. The ghost of a thought of Eren haunted him everywhere he went.

Reiner had made peace with that. He accepted that he could never let go and Eren would continue to live on as a part of his soul. An apparition he would see when he turned the odd corner and dream of when he closed his eyes.

And now, the apparition had become a demon.

“Hey. It’s been four years, Reiner.”

Eren sat before him now, leg gone and eye covered, but tangible and  _ here. _ His heart nearly stopped when he noticed that the once bright eyes had turned dull, misery and terror living in the muddy-green of his iris. He had done that.

“I’m here for the same reasons as you. I had no choice.”

That was when Reiner knew.

Soon, Eren’s hands would also be dyed red as more blood spilt. Marleyan, Eldian, it didn’t matter. Reiner could feel his mind spin and his grip on reality loosening and his head fell down to his hands, his eyes looking up to Eren. Up to the somber green he had extinguished. It was all too much and maybe, Reiner thought insanely, his eyes would become bloody too and Reiner wouldn’t have to live staring up at the ones he had smothered.

Eren continued to talk. Words spilling out and being archived in Reiner’s brain, but not quite catching his attention. Until the question.

“Why did my mother die?”

And Reiner’s mind went blank with guilt before being stained with the memories of his actions, forced to bear the full weight of them once again. His mouth opened and he could hear the low grumble of his own voice, but had no control over what he said.

“Because on that day, we broke the wall.”

Eren sat there, expressionless and motionless.

“Why did you break the wall?”

Cowardice. He was too scared to turn back. To admit defeat.

“To sneak in and see how your king reacted.”

“What was your mission?”

Death. Carnage. Lies.

“To retake the founding titan and save the world.”

“Well, I guess you had no choice if it was to save the world.”

It was a taunt. Eren was taunting him. Just like that, the demon he had created broke the wall his guilt had built to allow fear to rush in and overwhelm him as well.

“Back then, you told us you were going to kill us all in the worst possible way. Is that why you’re here?”

Silence. Silence in Reiner’s brain and in the room and then… 

“I vaguely remember saying that. Forget it.”

Reiner felt his breath hitch, saliva dry, and Eren went on. Talks about how he was just a child. Brainwashed and-

“We’re the same.”

Except it can’t be true. Could never be true. Eren, impassioned and righteous, always did what he thought was correct. And Reiner… He threw himself onto his hands and knees, his chair sent skidding along the floor. He shouted his truth, his guilt. He took the blame on his hands and knees, genuflecting to the god who had ruled his conscious and unconscious mind for 4 years with screams of revenge.

“It’s my fault! Your mother was eaten by a titan because of me!” Reiner screamed, warm tears running down his face, cutting through to his soul to bear it all to Eren. Eren who sat there, lording over him, without even needing to stand. Eren who looked at him with the blank, lifeless eye that he caused.

Standing, Eren lowered a hand down to Reiner, pulling him up, as Reiner used to, so that they stood as equals here in this moment.

“I think we were born this way.” They continued to hold hands, as they stood there, Eren finally as tall as him. That moment is when Reiner knew. And he acted.

If his god, ghost, and obsession wanted to lower himself down to Reiners level, then Reiner could continue to take and break what was so easily given to him.

Before Eren could speak another word, Reiner was pulling him again. Towards him. Aiming them so that as Eren collided with him, their lips met. Eren’s hands came hard on his shoulder, trying to push him away, but Reiner held tight. A hand behind Eren’s head, another around his waist.

Eren pushed again, so Reiner sent them tumbling, collapsing to the ground, so he could pin him, hands on shoulders and legs straddling his waist. Eren’s eye was wide, and for the first time, expressive. Shock and wonder fill the now golden-flecked green iris and for a second, Reiner can imagine he was in the past. Before he announced his betrayal, pinning him during training.

It’s silent once again save for the scurry of feet hitting the floor and backing away from them. Falco. Reiner had forgotten he was here and the remembrance only lasted as long as Flaco moved.

“Yeah,” Eren said, his eye searching Reiner’s face. A tear splattered down onto his forehead, falling down and wettening the bandage covering one of his eyes. “Yeah, I know. Me too.”

“Don’t do this,” Reiner begged, leaning over to place his forehead on Eren’s. “Please don’t become like me.”

Eren brought his bloody hand up to Reiner’s face, bringing the warm and slicked skin to his cheek. Reiner pulled back, dragging the blood-soaked hand attached to his cheek with him. The briefest smile touched Eren’s lips, and to Reiner, even the hint of it was beautiful. Beautiful but helpless.

“I’m sorry, but I have to.”

Green lightning sparked from his hand, shocking Reiner’s face and caressing his lips. Eren’s eyes glowed bright and Reiner, by now, knew the symptoms. The sparks, the glow, the inner peace in knowing that was already begun and cannot be taken back.

Eren was going to turn into a blood-thirsty monster. A true devil.

Just like Reiner.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> This may or may not be shit, I can't tell, but at the very least it’s beautiful shit.
> 
> Kudos and comments always appreciated.


End file.
